Hanging Out in Etna And More

The only Motel in Etna has no vacancy. It is the 4th of July weekend.

Great.

We could of course camp in the park, but we both are ready for a bed and a proper shower.

They guys who picked us up drive us to the Collier Hotel so that we can try our luck here.

The building is old and looks great and has lots of character. We like!

 

There is no reception desk here but a phone number. Felix calls the number and we get indeed a room! Lucky us, this is a gem and we are super glad that we did not get a room in the motel after all.

Felix has a shower and I hear people talking downstairs. Apparently there is somebody checking out the rooms, deciding whether to stay here or not. The woman climbs up the stairs at the same time as Felix gets out of the shower, which is located down the hall. The woman screams in joy!

“Felix! It’s you!”

She turns out to be famous Hilary! A working colleague of Felix who is also doing the PCT. I had heard lots about her as Felix stayed in contact with her all the time, giving her useful trail and water condition updates.

She started many weeks later than Felix and Andy and caught up with them. She is so fast!

We all have a bite to eat together in the local pub. Apparently her dad came out to help her with some trail logistics. Another dad!

I hang out on the lovely porch, as I have quite some thinking to do. It is so hot again today and the porch offers some beautiful shade.

I feel miserable. Felix has booked his ticket and will be flying out from Medford in a couple of days. He wants to come back to the trail in a couple of weeks, but it is of course not sure that he will come to where I will be. Maybe he wants to come back to Etna and go on from here?

“My trail family is disappearing!” 

I can’t believe how sad it makes me to let Felix go. He is such a beautiful person. 

But there is the snow. And Andy is home. And Felix wants to hike with Andy. His decision to leave makes it kind of easy for me to also perhaps go home?

Or shall I stay. And hike on with somebody else?

Oh my. No? Yes? No? Yes?

I don’t know!

So here I am, sitting in the shade in this chair, and am running over my options in my head.

I am tired. I am overwhelmed. I am sad. I am torn apart. 

All I know for sure is that I will not hike on all by myself. I am not like one of the these cool bad-ass hikers out there. I can’t do this alone up here with the snow.

I go over to the shop and buy a bottle of wine. Perhaps this helps.

Time to go to bed.

We head over to the coffee shop in the morning. 

It’s a funny coffee place with a weird prize system and weird portion sizes. The fruit bowls are tiny and excessively overpriced, the cinnamon rolls are enormously huge and cheap.

We see Francis and Chantal outside. It’s the nice French Canadian couple we met the first night after hitting the trail again by Chester and who we have met again in Old Station.

We have breakfast together and I tell them that I plan to go home. They see how torn apart I am (because I burst out it tears of course) and they offer me to hike with them.

Wow! Thank you guys! They are both super nice and I can really imagine myself going on a with them.

It will be so different than with my trail family, but I am apparently not ready to let go of the PCT yet (once more!)

“Why the hell has everything become so difficult? Why can it not just be amazing anymore? Why this struggle and sadness now?”

Bloody hell!

Real life seems to have caught me on the PCT to remind me of the struggles of normal life.

The Canadians have to hike another 40 miles though (it can be complicated on the PCT sometimes) before they can hike from Etna northbound into Oregon, so they will not be ready until July 6.

We agree to meet up in Etna in three days from now to hit the trail together.
We have an extra bed in our hotel room so ask the Canadians whether they would like to share room with us. They want! As we have a nice kitchen in our hotel, we decide to cook a Ratatouille together.

It turns out that I fall asleep and that Francis and Chantal do all the work!

“Sorry guys! And thank you guys!”

It is AMAZING to eat real homemade food!

Felix booked his plain from Medford. So I decide to go with him to Medford for a quick off PCT trip.

Partly because I want to see something else apart from Etna during my waiting for the Canadians, partly because I am not ready to let Felix go yet.

Hilary’s dad will drive us to Medford, after he has dropped her off at the trailhead (towards Ashland).
We all cram into the dad’s car and drive up the same road which we have been driven down in the pickup a few days ago.

Hilary gets ready to hit the trail (at the same point where I will hit the trail again in 3 days from now).


Off we drive to Medford. Hilary’s dad wants Felix’s to drive, as he himself is tired.

Our B&B is a nice old house (of course, as Felix has specifically picked it because it is old) and apparently Eleanor Roosevelt had stayed here one night or something.

As we are located out of town we take a cab (very interesting taxi driver!) to a Mall place kind of thing where Felix makes sure I can buy EXCELLENT trail food in a Traider Joe’s. I had heard Felix and Andy talk about how they love Traider Joe’s, so I am excited to see what they have!

Wow! Indeed! Awesome trail food! Lots of trail mixes, dried fruits like bananas, mangoes, coconut (without sulfur in them!) and lots of great bars, all of which I have not come across yet and am hence not sick of yet!

‘Yeeey, great!”

REI is right next door so I can get awesome freeze dried dinners!
My next 7 day stretch will be an awesome food party for me!!

What can I say other than once more: “Thank you Felix!!!”

We have dinner in a Subway. I will try to eat my sandwich without smearing it all over my face this time.


Felix briefs me for my upcoming Greyhound ride tomorrow:

“The busses are almost always late. When you get into the bus, look out for somebody who looks fairly normal (you will have to look hard). Sit next to this person and wait until the bus starts moving. At this point, you can look out for a free seat and change the seat. There will with certainty be a drug addict, an alcoholic, and a person freshly released from the hospital (with some hospital appendage) on the bus.”

Then he goes on telling me unbelievable stories from his own Greyhound experiences. And he swears they are all true. I laugh a lot and shake my head in disbelief and eagerly await my own first Greyhound adventure tomorrow….

We get back to our B&B with another interesting taxi ride. So far, since I am in the US, all car rides have been so super interesting! It’s just never ever boring to be with Americans!

Felix’s taxi arrives in the morning to pick him up for the ride to the airport.

Oh dear.

It’s hard for me to say goodbye. I am crap at letting people go who have grown into my heart so much.

I am super sad.

I walk down the hill, downtown to the city. There is supposed to be a 4th of July parade!

But a) am I not in the mood for a parade and b) can’t I find this bloody parade anywhere. The main street is deserted.

When we have parades in Switzerland, they go right through the middle of town! But I am fine with not seeing the parade for the moment as I am miserable. I don’t even bother asking anyone about it.

I hang out in a coffee shop and wait for the bus. I get hungry so I hang out in another place where they have sandwich things. I am ready to pay and head over to the bus when a couple approaches me who has seen my backpack in the corner and me wearing hiking boots. They ask me what I am up to. I talk about the PCT and why I am now here instead of actually on the PCT.

Don says:

“Can we pay for your lunch? You already have to pay for your bus and we want to do something good for you.”

Oh my!!!

Guess what…. I burst into tears and tell them that they have just definitely made my day, as I am having a miserable day today.


Time to head over to the greyhound station. I wait for the bus, together with three shady miserable people, just as Felix had predicted.


The bus does not come. He is 20 mins late. 40 mins late. 1 hour late. The bloody bus does not bloody come.

What a miserable day.

The bus is now more than 1.30 hours late.

“Shit, I am definitely gonna miss my connecting bus in Weed.”

The bus arrives. He is almost empty. I let the shady guys pick a seat first and then sit somewhere else.

The ride to Weed is about two hours but I don’t notice the time as I am a bit zonked. We make it to Weed way too late for the connecting bus and it is too late to hitch.

I check into a motel room and am still miserable.

A super nice Swiss Couple who we had met on the trail (Road Runner and Swiss Miss) had sent me a SMS yesterday. They are in Etna and know from reading my blog that I am theoretically there too.

We wanted to have dinner tonight once I am back in Etna, so I tell them that I am stuck in Weed and miserable. They send me very nice encouraging messages.

How very nice! They hit the trail tomorrow and I hope I will see them again.

Well, I chuck my freshly purchased resupply on my hotel bed and try to stuff everything in my bear bag.

I need to pull myself together and keep doing what I need to do.

Going to sleep now and will hopefully make it back to Etna tomorrow.

Hopefully I will make it back to the trail too. And will hopefully be happy again soon.

My sister Barbara sent me this Rilke poem, which cheers me up tremendously! Thank you Barbara!

(For those of you who speak German,  I paste it here) :

Man muss nie verzweifeln, wenn einem etwas verloren geht, ein Mensch oder eine Freude oder ein Glück; es kommt alles noch herrlicher wieder. Was abfallen muss, fällt ab; was zu uns gehört, bleibt bei uns, denn es geht alles nach Gesetzen vor sich, die grösser als unsere Einsicht sind und mit denen wir nur scheinbar im Widerspruch stehen. Man muss in sich selber leben und an das ganze Leben denken, an alle seine Millionen Möglichkeiten, Weiten und Zukünfte, dem gegenüber es nichts Vergangenes und Verlorenes gibt.

16 replies
  1. Dale Pekar says:

    Thanx for the continuing story, Heidi. It’s fun keeping up with your various adventures!

    Reply
    • Heidi says:

      ;) you are very welcome Dale! I hope I will indeed continue this story much longer!! I am happy that you keep following it! But you have some PCT under your feet too, haven’t you! :)

      Reply
  2. Pirkko Nidecker says:

    Wie passend und schön! Sende dir gute kraftvolle und positive Gedanken aus Finnland! Du bist nicht allein!

    Reply
  3. Marlise Lachat says:

    Liebe Heidi
    Jedes Ende ist ein Neuanfang….
    Die einzige Konstante im Leben ist die Veränderung….
    Ich glaube, ich kann deine Trautigkeit gut nachfühlen….du hast mit Andy und Felix nicht nur Wanderkumpel sondern auch Herzensfreunde gefunden!
    Seit dem letzten Post habe ich dir immer wieder “positive vibes” gewünscht, damit du deinen PCT Plan weiter verfolgst…
    Ich hoffe und wünsche dir, dass du weiterläufst und noch auf ganz viele liebe, tolle, herzerfüllende Menschen triffst!
    Yes, u can….
    Marlisr

    Reply
    • Heidi says:

      Liebe Marlise! Ganz herzlichen Dank dafür, dass Du an mich denkst und mir die positiven Vibes sendest! Es scheint zu funktionieren! :) Das ist grossartig! Yes, I can…! :)

      Reply
  4. Philippe says:

    Hello SUPER Heidi ! I get a feeling that you would like to reach the Oregon border with your Canadian friends as another “milestone” on your PCT challenge ! Now that Andy and Felix are gone, going alone now would not have been wise ─ especially with that treacherous old snow.
    You should already be so proud of your recent 900 miles mark ! (Over a third of the entire PCT under the full range of climates and so many magnificent ─ or scaring ─ landscapes !). You are and will be for ever part of the trail and when Nature (either yours or the “outside” one) whispers that you should leave the trial; it is always wise to follow the advice…
    There is a lot of good sense as well in Rilke’s writing sent by your sister. Because my German was not good enough, I looked for a translation that I am happy to share with our English speaking friends…
    Bonne Chance et à bientôt !
    Philippe

    “One must never despair if something is lost to one, a person or a joy or a happiness; everything comes back again more gloriously. What must fall away, falls away; what belongs to us remains with us, for everything proceeds according to laws that are greater than our insight and with which we are only apparently at variance. One must live in oneself and think of the whole of life, of all its millions of possibilities, expanses, and futures, in the face of which there is nothing past and lost”.
    Translation by JANE BANNARD GREENE and M. D. HERTER NORTON

    Reply
    • Heidi says:

      Dear Philippe! Thank you soo much for your wonderful comment and for finding this great translation and putting it here!! You have no idea how much this all means to me!! And yes! If I think I need to turn around one day, I will know that I will do the right thing! And thank you for the present you left at the Mittaghorn! :) I will so much enjoy it!!

      Reply
  5. Cheryl casdorph says:

    Hang in there! I know you will find more friends along the trail. Good luck to Canada!

    Reply
    • Heidi says:

      Thank you Cheryl!! I will hang in there a bit more! And then hopefully again a bit more! Encouraging messages like yours help a lot!!

      Reply
  6. Niels says:

    Perfekt…

    Lese immer wieder gerne von Dir.
    Alles hat seine Richtigkeit…es ist genau so richtig, wie es ist.
    Darum würde ich mir Gedanken machen, warum es genau so wie es ist, perfekt ist…

    Und wenn mein lieber Herr Rilke zitiert wird, gleich von ihm noch einen obendrauf…

    Lass dir Alles geschehn: Schönheit und Schrecken.
    Man muss nur gehn: Kein Gefühl ist das fernste.
    Lass dich von mir nicht trennen.
    Nah ist das Land,
    das sie das Leben nennen.

    Reply
    • Heidi says:

      Mein lieber Niels!!! Dein Comment hat mich unendlich gefreut und sehr berührt! Musste ein paar Tränli verdrücken! Rilke hat das Leben verstanden! Und ich denke oft an Deine Worte Niels von unserem letzten Lunch…. “Wenn Du meinst Du kannst nicht mehr laufen, dann kann der Körper in fact noch lange lange weiter!” Es zeigt sich, dass das genau so ist!! Big big hug! Heidi

      Reply
  7. Andy Aden says:

    Yay you finally got to check out Trader Joe’s! I miss the easy trail life but am happy your still hiking & blogging:) Keep up the hard work & have fun…that’s what its all about.

    Reply
    • Heidi says:

      Hi Andy!! So wonderful to hear from you!!! Yes I had awesome trail food the last week… ;) I still have some Lärbars in my bearbag which I seem to carry from section to section! I think I will ultimately leave those behind in Ashland now. I am sure I find a hikerbox somewhere!! I miss you looooooads Andy!! LOOOOOOADS! Hope the trail calls you and you are back soon!! Yes, it’s supposed to be fun (really?! Haha… ;) But the fun is soooo much more present when you are present too! By the way, the candies were great… But I could not bring myself to eat the atomic bomb thingy…. Big big hug Andy! Hope to see you in Washington on trail!!!

      Reply
  8. Barbara says:

    Liebe Heidi, Niels hat meiner Meinung nach ein wichtiges Thema angesprochen: Ich glaube jeder Mensch hat während seines Lebens auf ihn/sie ganz persönlich zugeschnittene Lebensaufgaben zu lösen. Die, die du bis jetzt noch nicht gelöst hast, sind nun teilweise auf dem PCT aufgetaucht und möchten bearbeitet/aufgelöst werden. Da du dich auf dieses Abenteuer eingelassen hast, scheint es mir, dass du für ungelöste komplexere Lebensaufgaben offen gewesen bist und sie anpacken möchtest. Das finde ich ausserordentlich mutig, weil du ja von vorne herein wusstest, dass es ziemlich unangenehme Situationen geben wird, physische wie auch psychische.
    Dieses Auseinanderbrechen deiner Hiker Family war meiner Ansicht nach auch eine Aufgabe für dich. Ich glaube das Seneca-Büchlein über die Gelassenheit könnte dich in dieser Situation sicher etwas unterstützen und Halt geben.
    Du hast schon so viele Hürden und Probleme wirklich bravourös und souverän gemeistert auf diesem super abenteuerlichen anstrengenden Trail Heidi.
    Ich glaube aber auch, dass weitere komplexe Aufgaben auf dich zukommen. Aber mit der Kraft des PCTs und den lieben Menschen, welchen du ganz bestimmt begegnen wirst, wirst du es an einen Punkt im Leben bringen, wo du gerne sein möchtest.

    Reply
    • Heidi says:

      Liebe Barbara! Da hast Du wieder einen ganz wunderbaren comment geschrieben! Vielen lieben Dank dafür! Deine mentale Unterstützung ist ganz grossartig!! Big hug! Heidi

      Reply

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